breakout

For this blog post Charmaine X will be channelling the spirit of Bitchy Jones (NSFW). Two online conversations make unwitting detours into Kinksville, proving either my friends know me too well, or the crazy keeps getting harder to hide.

1. sex police

Me: Maybe we should have sex licenses, like driving licenses, and have them taken away if we do stupid things!

Bert: What would you have to do to get your license back? Give someone a safer-sex blow job? If it's no good, some uniformed policewoman leads you away in handcuffs?... I'll stop there. You're enjoying this too much already.

2. hives

Me: I love how they have this pic of a really hunky model...with hives.
and the hives are kind of obviously photoshopped.
like, why not a picture of a regular person with real hives?

Ms Wolfe: you dont think its real?

Me: nah

Ms Wolfe: I did notice he was particularly hunky

Me: wouldn't it be odd if they could find a model, a real fashion model,
wait until he had hives, then put him in make-up and photograph him?
I guess it's possible if there are any hunky models out there with allergic or stress-related skin conditions.
They could deliberately provoke it e.g. by smearing nettles on him
while simultaneously shouting about how he wasn't going to get paid for the job
double whammy -- allergy and stress
lol
um, I suppose that's less funny once I type it out
and more twisted-sounding

Ms Wolfe: my gosh
they'd be yelling at him and telling him how he had a little extra chub on the waist
and he'd be devastated

Me: like,
"argh! I'm breaking out"
photographer: "quick, get him now"

Ms Wolfe: haha!
you are so obnoxious

Me: why thank you.