Ambiguity [Don Mace]

Reader poll. Late one night last week, after a formal dinner¹ there were four of us in my room sampling (I would say tasting, but by that stage we really weren't) some whiskies. Smoking girl was one of them. The first boy left at 2:30. The other boy (the straight, single one) left at 3. Smokey just waves goodnight, smiles and pours another whisky...

I turf her at 3:45. (Though it's all I can do to tell time at that point.)

Now, no one made a move. There wasn't even so much as an "in other circumstances". On the other hand, if that sort of thing had happened when I was single I would happily have drawn the obvious conclusion. So am I being cynical/egotistical/jumpy? Answers in a comment please.

But really, no one comes here to read about me not having sex. And with Char alternating between not-getting-any and too-busy-getting-some-to-blog-about-it, the polyamorous content of this blog has rather evaporated. So, to the mailbag:

Dear Mr Vanilla Person,

I've been with my boyfriend for four years now. We got together at university, have been together more or less happily ever since, and now we own a dog together. My parents have started showing him invitation stationery. But I'm only 23! What if I'm settling? What if I change? I don't want to lose him if he's the one, but how can I find out without actually having other boyfriends? And should I really be getting drunk with you and asking you these questions?

You know, polyamory would be a good solution to this tension between the fundamental human needs for commitment and strange. And, probably not. I'm feeling a bit egotistical at the moment.

I have a friend who calls herself polyamorous. And indeed, she has three boyfriends. But she's following the n+1 rule: boyfriend n+1 knows about boyfriends 1..n. But not vice versa. (And boyfriend n has a girlfriend who's, er, his #1.) Isn't this just logistically sophisticated cheating?

Absolutely. Polyamory is about openness and communication. (And, of course, sex with several people.)

[1] Much like Eskimos don't have forty-seven different words for snow, and Australian English is composed almost entirely of synonyms for "fuck", Cambridgese has thirty-odd words for binge drinking. "Formal" means "binge drinking in hall with suits on". Similarly "garden party" means binge drinking outdoors, and "punting" means binge drinking on a funny little boat.

Update: other synonyms for binge drinking include "evening seminar" and "term".