hair A+, attitude "must try harder"

For years I've been convinced that my lack of success with women was due to a single factor. Not my boyfriends, no! My hair. And now I have the proof: last night, while I was checking out post-Britneyite fedoras from a street vendor, this hot, athletic, willowy chick who was totally my type put her arm around me so she could get a photograph with the shaven-headed foreigner.

I bought the hat. Then I cycled home alone to organize my Chinese flashcards in alphabetical order.